No Better Place

---

The Testimony of One Who Found Himself in . . .


No Better Place
By Joseph Weilenbeck

If only I could tell you. If only I had heard.
If only I had believed. If only . . .

The light and the voices in the room at last gave way to darkness and silence.  All pain, all feeling, ceased.  All sensation faded.  Only a vague notion of movement remained, though neither vision nor feeling survived to give credence to that notion. 

Thoughts of peace began to replace the pain and anxiety that had finally released their hold upon me.  And with those thoughts, came memories.  Memories of comfort felt in my mother’s arms, of reassurance heard in my father’s voice, of tenderness shared in my wife’s loving touch, and of joy celebrated in play with my daughter.

On and on and on...

I get up each morning

    and put on a smile.
I tell myself one more time,
    "Just pretend for a while."
I share a quick laugh
    with everybody I see.
And try to hide inside
    the pain that's crushing me.

Sometimes I make it,
    but sometimes I fall.
Sometimes I just wish
    they could see through it all.
But, no matter the facts,
    I keep up the act.
'Cause if I let go,
    I fear I'll never come back.

And so...

I take my show on the road,
    I drag it mile after mile.
I hold my head up
    and force smile after smile.
I say all the things
    that I'm expected to say.
If I can keep up the lie,
    maybe I'll last one more day.

And I keep hoping that I
    can bring this play to an end.
But I can't find the script
    to tell me how and when.
And I can't find the lines
    that I once knew were true.
Can't even say if this play
    will close before I do.

So, I keep up the act.
    I don't know how to turn back.
I Keep going on
    and on and on.
And I stay with the play
    day after day.
On and on
    and on and on and on.

Joseph Weilenbeck 10/15/2017

Karen's Eyes

Karen Carpenter (Photo Origin Unknown)

Karen's eyes
won't let me go.
So long closed.
So long still.
But still
they haunt me.

I see her eyes.
I see their light.
I see their darkness.
Beautiful eyes,
but sad.
Eyes that gave,
but could not receive.

I see the tears
we never saw.
I hear them fall
when I hear her song.
Each word...
each note...
looking for hope
while carried on a tear.

Eyes that I never knew
now touch my soul.
Tears that I never saw
now wash my heart...
then find their way
to my own eyes.

And as I listen
I see
Karen's eyes.
So long closed.
So long still.
And still
they haunt me.
Karen's eyes
won't let me go.

 Joseph Weilenbeck
~ after the anniversary of her death - February 4, 2017 ~